My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOUR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"
My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite... JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you...then you'll see what it's like"

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty
and so is your head.

After you, my love, my only prize
Would be a bullet between my eyes

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you're not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space

I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it's true, I'd prefer you inside out.

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"

1. Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough
money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

2. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with
one of these magnets.

3. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and
their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and
don't need their picture taken. They are also very happy with their
current phone service. If you're still with me, leave your name and
number and they will get back to you.

4. The College Special. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of
those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

5. If you are a burglar calling to check, then we're probably at home
cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a
message.

6. Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

7. You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice
patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use.
Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of
your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes.
There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff
of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to
further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your
schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the
tone. Thank you.

An Indian was travelling in a train in Pakistan, along with
his pregnant
wife. A few Pak army officers were also travelling in the
same compartment.

As every body knows ,the pakis think they are a little too
smart and also
try to show their superiority in all aspects,they tried to
act little smart
and
embarass the Indian.They thought at the same time, it would
be a good
time-pass too. So, one of them went and sat beside the man.

The Smart officer asked the man, "Are u an Indian?????".

"Yes", the man replied proudly.

The officer then said, "Is ur wife pregnant????"

"Yes", replied the man. He was a bit annoyed by the question
as it was
obviously visible that his wife was pregnant and the officer
still asked
that question. But he kept quiet. Now, the officer thought
it was time to
have some fun.

He asked the Indian, "If it is a boy, what would u like him
to be?????"

"I'd make him a Software Engineer", the man said proudly.

"What if it is a girl ????" asked the officer.

"I'd make her a doctor", the man replied.

Now, the officer gave the man a naughty grin and said, "What
if it is
neither a boy nor a girl?"

Now the smart Indian realised the whole point of this
officer speaking to
him. He realized that these officers were trying to
embarass him so he
decided to give it back to them.

He thought for a second, returned the same naughty smile
back to the
officer and said, "In that case, he will join the Pakistan
army......."

Coca-Cola was originally green.
>>>> > The most common name in the world isMohammed.
>>>> >
>>>> > The name of all the continents end with the same letter that
>>>>they start
>>>> > with.
>>>> >
>>>> > The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
>>>> >
>>>> > TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the
>>>>letters only on
>>>> > one row ! of the keyboard.
>>>> >
>>>> > Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
>>>> >
>>>> > You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
>>>> >
>>>> > It is impossible to lick your elbow.
>>>> >
>>>> > People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you
>>>>sneeze, your heart
>>>> > stops for a millisecond.
>>>> >
>>>> > It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
>>>> >
>>>> > The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
>>>>toughest
>>>> > tongue twister in the English language.
>>>> >
>>>> > If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
>>>>suppress a
>>>> > sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
>>>>and die.
>>>> >
>>>> > Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king
>>>>from
>>>> > history.>
>>>> >
>>>> > Spades -King David
>>>> > Clubs - Alexander the Great,
>>>> > Hearts - Charlemagne
>>>> > Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
>>>> >
>>>> > (111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321)
>>>> >
>>>> > If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front
>>>>legs in the
>>>> > air, the person died in battle.
>>>> >
>>>> > If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as
>>>>a result of
>>>> > wounds received in battle
>>>> >
>>>> > If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
>>>>of natural
>>>> > causes.
>>>> >
>>>> > What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers
>>>>and laser
>>>> > printers all have in common?
>>>> > Ans. - All invented by women.
>>>> >
>>>> > Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is
>>>>this?
>>>> > Ans. - Honey
>>>> >
>>>> > A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
>>>> >
>>>> > A snail can sleep for three years.
>>>> >
>>>> > All polar bears are left handed.
>>>> >
>>>> > American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one
>>>>olive from each
>>>> > salad served in first-class.
>>>> >
>>>> > Butterflies taste with their feet.
>>>> >
>>>> > Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
>>>> >
>>>> > In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
>>>> >
>>>> > On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
>>>> >
>>>> > Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
>>>> >
>>>> > Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left
>>>>hand.
>>>> >
>>>> > The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
>>>> >
>>>> > The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
>>>> >
>>>> > The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to
>>>>the body to
>>>> > squirt blood 30 feet.
>>>> >
>>>> > Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could
>>>>have over
>>>> > million descendants.
>>>> >
>>>> > Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria
>>>>in your ear
>>>> > by 700 times.
>>>> >
>>>> > The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
>>>> >
>>>> > Most lipstick contains fish scales.
>>>> >
>>>> > Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
>>>> >
>>>> > And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their
>>>>elbow.

A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

Black bug bit a big black bear. But where is the big black bear that the big black bug bit?

A big bug bit the little beetle but the little beetle bit the big bug back.

If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish,
but if you wish the wish the witch wishes,
I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

Betty bought butter but the butter was bitter, so Betty bought better butter to make the bitter butter better.

A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see.
And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

If two witches were watching two watches,
which witch would watch which watch?

I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

A skunk sat on a stump. The stump thought the skunk stunk. The skunk thought the stump stunk.
What stunk, the skunk or the stump?

There were two young skunks named In and Out. When In went out, Out came in and when Out went out, In came in. Once In went out and did not come in, so the mother sent Out out to bring In in. In minutes, Out brought In in. When the mother asked Out " How did you find In"? Out said, "In stinct"!!

Questions
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose
between three rooms. The first is full of raging
fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded
guns, and the third is full of lions that have not
eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him
under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs
him. However, five minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How
can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How
could you put all of this water into a barrel, without
using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which
water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it,
and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using
the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. I am curious how
quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it.
It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong
with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is
unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you
still may not find anything odd, but if you work at it
a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any
coaching!



ANSWERS

1. The third. Lions that have not eaten in three years
are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of
her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and
put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell
which water came from which jug.

4. The answer is Charcoal

5. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

6. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in
the English language, does not appear once in the long
paragraph.

Here we go with the basics.

Zion is real! The Matrix is not.

The Matrix was designed to provide a mental stimulus for the human
bodies
>connected to the machines as a source of power. This is the sixth
version
of the Matrix. There have been multiple versions of the Matrix because
of a
flaw in the program (kinda of like Windows). That flaw is giving
individuals the ability to choose.

The first Matrix was designed as a perfect uptopia (see pt. I - Smith
explains it to Morpheus; pt. II - The Architect explains it again) but
humans did not accept it as real so they just kept waking up. It was
redesigned to reflect our civilization at it's last stage before it
was
taken over by the machines (the year 1999).

The Architect's problem with this new design (the anomoly)of the
Matrix is
that it require individuals to think freely, i.e. choice. It was the
Oracle
that suggested he redesign the Matrix in this way. But since humans
have
choices, so must the programs sent to watch over them, i.e. The
Agents,
thus bringing us the problem that is Mr. Smith. In Reloaded, The
Architect
continues to speak of the anomoly he is unable to get rid of, which is
why
at some point, he feels the only solution is to destroy the Matrix and
those who are aware of it (the people of Zion) and start from scratch
again.

The Oracle says it clearly in Revolutions. Mr. Smith is the result of
the
anomoly trying to balance itself. Mr. Smith began to think freely (see
part
I where he is freaking out while interrogating Morpheous) and the
result
was a negative one. Realize this, he is a similar program to the One
so he
is far more dangerous than a normal individual who makes bad
decisions. Mr.
Smith's virus like behavior happened in EVERY VERSION OF THE MATRIX.
The
result would always lead to the same thing -- a system crash if they
didn't
quickly reboot the system. The same knee jerk reaction you have when
you
realize someone has sent you a virus.

The One program was created to solve this problem. But each version of
the
One ultimately failed. Neo is different, in Reloaded he choose the
door
that led to Trinity, not the door that RESETS the program. Note: The
Architect even noticed that Neo's experience in the Matrix was
different
than all the rest, realizing he was the first of them to fall in love.

Onto Revolutions:

Neo's choice has changed everything. The system is still threatened by
Smith's behavior, so the Oracle makes a new choice; one she has never
done
before because no version of the One has ever chosen the difficult
path as
opposed to easy one of just resetting the system. She allows herself
to
become merged with Smith in the HOPE that she'll be able to help Neo
when
the time is right.

Neo makes another unique choice. He goes to the machines and asks for
PEACE
as opposed to simply destroying the system by going through the
opposite
door as all other versions of the One did. It was a simple as that to
save
Zion. Machines don't need very long to process that this may be a
better
idea than just constantly resetting the system.

At the end, Smith says to Neo the movies tagline - "Everything that
has a
beginning has an end," as the Oracle is speaking to Neo through Smith.
Neo
realizes it all along, the only way to end this is to sacrifice
himself.
The Oracle noted that Neo and the Source (the computer mainframe, the
Architect they're all one and the same so don't get confused) are
connected
which is why he can control machines outside the Matrix. He uses this
connection to his advantage. He becomes a Mr. Smith and since all the
Smith's are connected, the Source now has a lock on Smith and simply
deletes him. Pretty simple huh?
For those that like to dig deeper, than note the biblical references
throughout the series. Heck, the French Man (Merovigchian) is the
Devil,
>just read the elevator button Morpheous presses when he goes to see
him for
the second time. The Architect represents God - i.e. the creator of
the
>world and its destroyer whenever things don't go as he wants. He even
has
you to chose a select group of people to restart Zion again sort of
like
Noah's Ark. Neo is Jesus, the one who realizes that peace and love is
the
answer, not war. And the Oracle represents the Holy Spirit - the
conciousness that resides in all of us. It's a deep trilogy if you PAY
ATTENTION.